“Abortion can seem like the easy way out. Often times it is presented that way. I chose to believe that, but instead I found years of dysfunction, shame, and running from the truth of what I had done followed me like a black cloud. When you are pregnant, you can never erase it. No matter what you do, your life will never be the same. As a young person, I thought I could just get on with my life. Had I been brave enough to give that gift of life to a couple who couldn’t have children, I would have grown up and learned to be responsible for my actions much sooner. I couldn’t just get on with my life. It affected other relationships in my life. It was hard to bond with my first child that was born. It is hard to see yourself as a mother because mothers are supposed to love their children.
You are the one who has to live with that decision. Sometimes abortion can cause physical damage and your ability to carry children in the future. But more than that, I believe the day will come when you look in the mirror and you face the truth and you come out of your denial. Denial is a big hurdle to have to overcome because the truth can really hurt. I turned to alcohol and drug use to try to escape the pain, and fill the emptiness.
I wish with all of my heart that I had gotten the facts of fetal development and known that there was a beating heart at 3 weeks. That at 10 weeks when my child was aborted, there was a nervous system. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had to have an ultrasound at 10 weeks, and that is when the truth really hit home. The doctor had told me that at 10 weeks, it was like a little sprouted wheat seed, but at 10 weeks, I saw a little person. There is healing and forgiveness after an abortion, but the sad story is that I don’t have pictures or memories of my child. I can’t have a relationship, ever. And no amount of healing and forgiveness changes that. People who choose adoption often times as an adult are able to establish a relationship in the future. There is no future after abortion.”
Post Abortion Syndrome is a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder commonly experienced by women who have had one or more abortions.
Through the process of denial, the woman has blocked the natural grieving process of the death of her child and often has denied her responsibility in the abortion.
The denial or suppression blocks the healing process and the possibility of forgiveness for herself or others.
The trauma often manifests itself as a breakdown of function in the psychological, physical, or spiritual areas. (J. Denton Collins)
Re-experiencing the abortion in one form or another is the most common symptom and may include:
– Distressing, recurring “flash-backs” of the abortion
– Nightmares about babies
– Heightening distress around the anniversary dates of the abortion or projected delivery
Persistent grieving occurs in some of the following ways:
– Out burst of anger
– Self devaluation
– Inability to forgive oneself
– Guilt about surviving when the unborn child did not
– Pre-occupation with becoming pregnant again
– Secondary substance abuse
– Difficulty concentrating and sleeping
– Thought of suicide
Psychological Numbing which may include:
– Repression or inability to re-call all or some aspects of the abortion
– Deny associated thoughts or feelings
– Feeling estranged or detached from others
– Avoiding or withdrawing from relationships
– Being restricted or unable to have loving or tender feelings
Fountain of Hope – Abortion Help Line
For help and support in your healing journey after an abortion, call (306)480-8911.
Phone (610) 354-0555
Canada Silent No More
Phone 1-888-777-5503 or 1-780-939-5774